Rhetorical question

Is it too early for ice cream? Well for most people it probably is, but the Editor had seen pistachio ice cream out of the corner of her eyes and was making a beeline to it as she spoke. No use answering. Bide my time. Just wait and then pounce. "Is $2,000 too much for a single golf club"? I will say as my credit card contacts the reader.

In her defence, we had been walking for over 30 minutes and the sun had the intensity of a mild Winter day at Bingara Gorge, I imagine.

Did I mention we are in Split, Croatia?

First stop off the boat was some markets where I finally got the hat I was looking for, the kind of hat that puts your golf opponents off their game.

We then went to have a quick look at the palace, gave up, somebody had an ice cream and then we went up a rather large hill because that's what you seem to do on shore in the Mediterranean.

It was no yesterday's climb but the Editor's calf muscles were not happy with the decision. To their credit, local authorities have placed a lot of seats on the way for weary tourists.

Near the top we came upon a playground and Annette wondered about the possibility of emulating her childhood hero, Cindy Brady, in trying to break the world endurance teeter-totter record. Alas, we had to be back on board by 5:30pm.

We took a different route back down to town through some interesting streets and made our way around the palace to see the 4 ancient gates.

We rubbed a statue's big toe for good luck

and headed back to the ship via the local Pepsi proprietor.

I packed my gym bag but got diverted into trying to find a vacant washing machine, a quest that ultimately took around 3 hours. Eventually by 7pm it was mission accomplished. I never got to the gym.

After dinner we hit the theatre for a 45 minute music show featuring a guy whose main claim to fame was that he wore odd socks and was bald. It was a good show and then off to sleep for a day at sea where no hills or mountains will be climbed.

Just a leisurely 2km Kotor walk

Today we landed in Kotor, Montenegro. At the Captain’s advice, we set the alarm for 5am for what was supposed to be stunning views. It was really nice but finding out that there is a 5am whilst on holidays was a bit of a shock to the system.

Back in the cabin, the Editor didn't want me to go back to sleep. She was awake and that is how it must be for everyone. 

I can actually get my breakfast now with my eyes closed, but sometimes the scrambled eggs with herbs is with salmon, so eyes wide open it is.

Scrambled eggs, a fried egg, chicken and Cumberland sausage, hash browns, tomatoes and baked beans has been the brekkie of choice. And yes, the plates are quite big.

From here we headed to shore into the Old Town (obviously some marketing guru has been through every port in Europe and told them that "old" is essential for the tourist dollars). I still haven't seen a New Town.

Our first priority was a 2km walk up and down the hill that overlooked the ship. I believe it was another fortress. We didn't know the distance on starting.

Our problem was that the squiggly line the woman at Tourist info drew on the map was too squiggly and the first 20 minutes was consumed in finding the starting point. Past many 🐈 we walked. The 🐈 have free reign of the town as they once saved it from extinction (I won't give away the plot, but it did leave me asking questions). I hope you appreciate my use of the little pics for the first time in the blog's history. What next? Stories that make sense?

Finally we stumbled on some rocky stairs and figured that this must be the place. I would highly recommend you listen to this Talking Heads song.

A short walk upwards and we arrived at a small demountable building where tickets were 15 Euros pp. 

In the middle of the rocky track, they had positioned the most unlikely looking turnstile complete with power cord leading back to the office.

So upwards we climbed, stopping for air at every possible turn. These were the kind of annoying steps that are just too big to climb in one step, so step, shuffle, step it was. Sometimes there were handrails, sometimes just the possibility of falling down the mountain where your only hope of survival is getting caught on the many blackberry bushes that consume Europe.

On and on we climbed, stopped, looked up, saw the top and kept walking. Sometimes it was easier to walk next to the stairs. It was still very much uphill. 

But we made it, mocked the footwear choices of many (sandals and thongs), and I have never been prouder when we passed a woman  in flimsy sandals just at the start  of her walk as we finished, and Annette said very loudly to her "not sure that's the right footwear for this climb".

Sledge of the day. Every port I ask her if she wants to start a fight with the other cruise 🚢. Maybe she is thinking about it.

The walk down was faster and I have a feeling that sore muscles are on the horizon.

Back in the town (obviously old) we looked around the many shops, saw the required quota of holiday churches and headed back for lunch.

Burgers, fries and onion rings were good, minus the fish burger of the editor.

We headed back to have a look at the old monastery (just foundations), found large Pepsi on special for 95 cents and we're back on board.

Despite the rigours of the walk, Garmin demanded my pound of flesh so while the editor will put in what she did(), I ran and did a stretching class.

We then sat on deck and watched the scenery as we departed. Yes, the same scenery we saw at 5am but in reverse. Two small dolphins joined us for some of the trip, which was quite nice for someone who has always wanted to be a marine biologist. I will make sure not to hit any Titleists overboard from deck 10. 

I honestly don't remember dinner. Buffet food is blurring my mind.

The Old Fart (stupid autocorrect)

No tours booked today so it's just us and our legs on a walk to the Old Fort. Oh, we are in Corfu. There are 2 forts in the town that used to be just called forts, but the Uber Eats people kept delivering to the wrong one, so naturally they changed the names to old and new. They were pretty cluey back in the 1600's.

We made our way through the Old Town, paid our 10 euro and in we went. Unfortunately, nobody ever made an accessible fort or castle or anything easy to get to in the old days. They only thought of their own safety and not about future generations whose feet and legs are hurting after a long walk from the Buffet Ship (whose breakfast is weighing heavily) on our bones.

But it's good to knock off the Garmin demands for 10 flights of steps early in the day. This should be as bad as it gets, stair/uphill wise.

On the way back, it was like the town had come to life; 5,000 people from two cruise ships will do that.  The obligatory ice cream and Coke got us back to the ship alive.

The streets are very narrow, except for the one in the picture. Wide street means extra parking. 3 cars wide they parked to turn it into a narrow street again.

I had to do yesterday's run, which was almost 5km, so legs are currently not my friend.

At least the view was good.