Scorpio –You and your friends will be thrown out of a restaurant when the waiter asks if you would like something from their dutch oven. The table cloth will never be the same.
Libra – You decide to model your life on an elite athlete. You pick the Russian high jumping dude who got drunk, but decide not to worry about the jumping bit.
Cancer – Bad news for you when, on the same day you see a huge man dressed in black leather, wearing sunglasses and carrying a shotgun, you change your name to Sarah Connor
Capricorn – Unwanted advances for you when you walk in to a Kings Cross milk bar and ask for a Gaytime.
Virgo – Unwanted advances will occur when you walk in to a Kings Cross milk bar and ask for an Icy Pole.
Gemini – Unwanted advances for you when upon entering a Kings Cross milk bar you ask for a Paddle Pop.
Leo – Your university professor advises you that your grades would be higher if you were “more well read”. That afternoon you have your entire body tattooed with the phone book.
Taurus – You can’t think of anything to say. People world wide are rejoicing.
Aries – You go on a big night out, get drunk, meet a country girl named Elly May, but in the morning wake up next to Granny.
Pisces – Your new prime time cooking show will come to an abrupt ending when the script advises you to peel four carrots and stand in boiling water for ten minutes. Ouch.
Saggitarius – After studying Spanish for 4 years, you will fail your verbal test when the only thing that you can recite is some words from “Pretty Fly For A White Guy”
Aquarius – In the future you will get a job as an air force pilot, crash your plane, survive, but due to budgetary cutbacks end up getting partially rebuilt and known as the $2.50 man.
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