The long way home

Of the 2 foods that I hate the most, they have just become the entree on the first flight on the way home. Why would anybody ever conceive a corn and prawn salad, apart from the rhyming.

But let's go back to the start of today.

Just to remind us that we were going home, the alarm went off at 7am. I had been awake for an hour watching the British Open live in the daytime. God bless America and her favourable time zone in relation to Britain, and in particular Scotland.

As with most days, we headed to breakfast to beat the hordes. We did. No waffles today. The opportunity was there but we were strong. Well, Annette was and I still couldn't figure out the waffle machine. I couldn't even figure out the hot water in the train shower.

Having eaten and packed and admired a Phil Mickelson flop shot, Annette headed to the city and the river. I watched golf until it was time to get one last t-shirt. Showered and fresh as a daisy, I put on a clean shirt and headed out into the blistering heat. Apparently Summer had finally hit Chicago. My new fresh shirt that had to last me for 28 hours was soaked. I showered with 20 minutes to checkout but it didn't take. I had the George Costanza Kung Pow chicken thing going on.

I took my new shirt off the substitute's bench. It only had to make 26 hours. I then had to take all of the luggage to the lobby. Seven items I believe. After this, my shirt was soaked.

I sat and waited and wrote blogs until Annette returned, fresh from an architecture river cruise. 

Annette went and got some lunch and when done, we crammed ourselves in a taxi, having given Vince the doorman a big tip.

Seriously, if you want money from me, just cook me a meal or do something trivial for me over the next week until I erase this habit of giving people money for whom I've already given money. The holiday came in under budget. I should have tried to spend harder.

So the taxi took us to the train station despite the pleading of the driver to take us to the airport. We had $4.50 left on our train ticket. Exact fare. Once at O'Hare airport, you almost do a marathon to get to your terminal. Checked in, but didn't get told they had put us on a different second flight, so our seating request is up in smoke. Got patted down again. Had my bags pulled apart again and boarded a late leaving Cathay Pacific flight again. So here I am, one of two meals down on our 16 hours to Hong Kong. We hit turbulence an hour ago and aren't supposed to get up. How the hell do I get snacks if I can't get up? I highly recommend the movie Get Hard, am about to begin the Hobbitt movie I never watched in case I could see it for free on a flight.

Damn. It's the wrong Hobbitt.

Just completed meal number 2. Who puts corn in chili? Is this some sort of mid-air candid camera? 

I'm not sure which part of my back hurts most. Oh well, only 15ish hours to go. Once the dinner service is complete I can go on my next Toblerone raid. 6.32am Sydney time and I am awake from the dodgy sleep. Still, I think that the Valerian tablets may have helped.

Nothing much to report. At Hong Kong you get your bags inspected going through to your transfer and also onto the plane. Seems that they are looking for people whose hand luggage weighs the same as most people's checked luggage.

I somehow managed to buy some golf clubs on eBay during our transfer. There is no such thing as free wifi.

Of course we found out about trackwork on our line so are in touch with our house sitter about picking us up at the airport. He waited all day yesterday expecting us to be home then.

So let's sum it all up. A pretty amazing holiday. Well planned by the travel consultant/navigator, well budgeted by the budgeter. We escaped the 3 weeks of seemingly horrendous weather in Sydney and are now addicted to sugar and fried foods again. Annette keeps saying she needed more time in New York so I'm guessing that somewhere in the future we will make our way back. Or she will and I will find a golf tour somewhere close by. All that is left is the one more meal on the plane, some duty free something or other for our taxi driver and certain inspection of my bags, just to keep the status quo. Aye carumba! Just calculated that I slept through 28 songs on the list I was listening to. Better than normal.

So with that, does anybody need a sack full of pennies?

Last day to buy golf clubs

Breakfast at 6am on train. Cereal, yoghurt   And French pastry thing that I can't spell starting with cr.

Arrived in time, found the baggage collection, used the facility and made it to our hotel.

We had nothing planned so decided to walk around half an hour to have a look at Wrigley Field from the outside as there were no tours today. However there were tours. What a great place. I'll have to come back one day.

We finally ate a meal that didn't cost the world, at Taco Bells and then headed for the sports store that would quench my need for golf clubs. Nuthin.

Hit some more book and record shops just to make sure that the seams on our luggage would be as stretched as possible.

I still needed a golf club that I didn't need. We walked the the train and went into the city, then walked to Sports Authority. Did I need a new driver? No. Did I buy one? I refuse to implicate myself in any useless shopping story but had a difficult time carrying the huge box around the streets of Chicago in the now pouring rain.

We walked to another shop researched from weeks before only to find that the shirts I wanted were the wrong size.

The sad thing is, it was ok. I'm losing my need to shop. We walked to the train station in the rain, caught the express (I would hate to see the non express) and made it back to the hotel.

Our reasoning for getting the meal deal went something like this. It's our last dinner and the more weight we put on, the more we have to lose and we'll feel much better if we lose more weight. This was a long way to say that we got the dessert. Oreo cheesecake and cherry pie. On a positive note, they forgot to charge us for dessert, so the calories don't officially count.

Tv, packing, and holiday nearly over. There is still money in the bank and in the wallet. We should have eaten more dessert.

Elvis

Because I mentioned that there was a waffle maker, I got blamed for Annette eating waffles for breakfast.

We left the hotel in search of a rare bus. It finally came and after 20 minutes alerted the driver we had missed our stop. He stopped. We made our way back to elvis presley bvd where we finally joined another bus to Graceland.

Picked up our tickets and caught another bus across the road to the mansion. Did the tour which was not what I expected but was really good. There was heaps to see over at Gracelands as well as back across the road. Gift shops for every exhibit and then some.

For the first time at such a tourist attraction, lunch was pretty good. They got the deep frying just right. Im not sure how long we were there but as we left , the old stomach started to rumble like Homer taking a cannon ball to the belly one too many times.

We made our way to what we hoped was a bus stop, as did the Swiss traveller there. Eventually a bus turned up and on board the swiss guy found out where to change buses for our continuation to Sun studios.

At the next bus stop we met a local who took a liking to my shoes. He really wanted them. Thank heavens for my tiny feet. In the 5 minutes there i think he may have told us his life story. He was homeless so Annette finally gave him a dollar. Then he has the hide to say that $1 wasn't enough. We quickly moved to the next bus stop up the road just in time for the next bus to arrive.

We made it to SunStudio and booked in for the4pm tour. That left only 14 minutes for Annette to get her sugar fix for the hour. The choice was strawberry milk shake. The tour was good for those who like real music.

On the way to the studio the weather had  started to look a bit like rain. During the hour touring a huge storm apparently hit. Footpaths and roads were flooded. The storm had caused chaos  in surrounding areas. Worse still, most of our tv channels weren't working.

We ended up walking back to the hotel as lightning flashed around.

Feeling guilty, I hit the gym in my new shoes. 20 minutes is better than nothing but I'm going to need a lot more than 20 minute sessions when this holiday is over.

Then it was off to Beale st and BB kings place. Live music, good food and a souvenir glass.....from Las Vegas. Excellent. Another piece of fragile luggage to add to our woes.

Stayed there ages. Long enough to buy both if the live bands cd's and then repacked a bit before crashing.

If not for the gallons of fresh lemonade being drunk, we may have lost the battle against the heat.

We have left the building

With nothing really planned, we slept until after 8, waking up with the realisation that breakfast finished at 9. Less than an hour to eat 5 courses could be difficult. But not as difficult as the family who turned up in their pyjamas with 15 minutes to go.

We packed and left 5 bags at reception.

Did I mention the heat? It was back again today. We walked a long way to relieve some of Annette's modern history lessons. There was a small house that used to be used in helping slaves escape. It's good to get some kmowledge, and even better when it's air conditioned knowledge.

From here we wandered aimlessly through the heat. Back near our hotel we grabbed some lunch including more sugary liquid goodness in lemonade.  

Memphis is so strange. It's like a big country town but with no people. It could be that they are just too smart to come out in the heat.

Something happened. Can't quite recall as it was a couple of days ago and have been using up my brain cells trying to rewrite posts that keep vanishing.

What I do remember is wandering around trying to find the Gibson Guitar factory. We saw it yesterday not far away but now it has vanished. Finally Annette asked somebody and we were a few blocks off. 

Once again the relief of air conditioning was sensational. We booked the last tour of the day, and with an hour to kill went shopping in Beale St.

Since the revelation this morning that we get 2 bags, not 1, to take home, things have changed. And with money left in the budget, the last 2 days could be dangerous. 

Grabbed some last minute shirts and prints and of course harmonicas, and did some of Santa's work early.

Barely having scratched the surface shopping, it was time for the tour. Armed with giant safety goggles we saw the process involved in making guitars. It was sad to hear that those guitars that aren't perfect get demolished. Standards are high to reflect prices.

Once again, leaving air conditioning for the outside world was a shock but we entered enough shops back at Beale St to cool down.

With no need to be at Amtrak until 920pm, we hung back at the hotel for a while before heading out for pizza. The place was packed and it took a while to get seated . Once there we ordered and then waited forever to get food.

Did I want a 12 inch pizza to myself? No. Did I eat it all when it eventually came? No. If you leave a tiny bit of crust, your conscience is clear.....until you eat the cheesecake.

To the surprise of staff, all of the luggage behind the counter at the hotel was ours.

Not much was happening at the station. Judging by the sign pointing to platforms 5 to 9, where there were no platforms, this used to be a big station or they just go by Wayne Whiteley's mantra of build the sign and they will come. 

The double decker train arrived just as the fuelling truck drove in and we lugged our 5 various items up stairs only to find somebody trying to muscle in on our cabin. Problem solved, but now the next problem. How to get our luggage and us in the cabin.

As the designated window seat sitter, I scored the top bunk. I would describe it as being buried alive. 

We hurried to the one shower for the carriage. I followed instructions and had a wonderful, not hot shower. Apparently instead of 2 instructions they needed 3. Annette got the hot water that I was deprived of.

Then it was sleep time. Of course our beds have been made in the wrong end so the reading light switches were at the wrong end. I proceeded to rub my left eye and lose my contact lens somewhere in my eye. Good luck trying to find it and get it out in the dark, or trying to find the light switch without getting a severe concussion. Finally I made my way down the ladderless bunk to find a mirror. I think that I had pants on.

There are around 1000 road crossings between Memphis and Chicago. The train whistle blows at every one.

It was not a great sleep. 

Leaving NOLA

I know that I wrote it because Annette fixed up all the alphamabetical errors and probably the grammies as well.

So its 930pm 48 hours later and I have to go back and try to recreate the magic. Once a holiday I get it right so here I go.

We had a morning of leisure so slept a bit longer. I believe the  hot meal of the day was pancakes, eggs and bacon. Which takes me back 2 more days when I was asked how I wanted my eggs. I was confused. Cooked would normally have been how I would answered. "Haven't you ever had eggs before?" was what I got. She was after scrambled or over easy (whatever the hell that means).
This   is promising. I've gone back further than expected. Looks like I haven't eaten any remaining brain cells, just everything else I've seen.

I had 3 New Orleans  breakfasts. Each time scrambled.

So after breakfast, we stowed our ever expanding luggage and took a walk down a street starting with M that I can't recall. There were a lot of art/antique shops on the way, but I won the budgeter's equivalent of winning lotto. The shops don't open until after 10.
We headed to the only shopping haven that would be open - Walmart. A 10 minute walk turned to 40 as we missed our turnoff and ended up in the industrial area asking the lady in the Doggy Day Camp how to get there. Why is it so hot? Oh yeah, it's summer.

The air conditioning is so good and cold as it immediately turns to sweat on your body to smelly ice.

I really didn't need anything but got a shirt that would later come in handy.

But "thank you Lord" (I hope you appreciated the Southern Baptist lilt I put on that), we found bras. Specifically Annette, but the way I feel and look at the moment, I could probably do with a bro or manzier.

Then, because they were cheap, we pied up (translation: bought mini pies and ate them) and got 2 of the slowest lemonades ever to be purchased at Maccas.

We went  back to Magazine st (I told you it started with an M - I wonder if Annette filled in the name before). I didn't look in any shops, I preferred to pretend that sweating in the heat was sort of a way to lose weight. Annette went in them all, but with the pressure of excessive luggage, didn't buy anything.

Back to get our bags and to Amtrak New Orleans. Checked in our bags and was impressed by how closed our attendant got to guessing both weights for the bags. So impressed that I helped pop his shoulder  back in after lifting Annette's.

I changed into my new Breaking Bad shirt to give the people on the train some sort of fresher air. We sat trying to book our Graceland tickets for tomorrow before we had to board. It wasn't happening. Subway was across the hall but rather than do what I was told and get Annette's order, I left it to her. Had I accidentally left on pickles or chosen the wrong bread, I could have been in big trouble. The moment she gets up, boarding starts. Lucky its fast food. Not. Down these parts they work slow. The guy in front was on the phone taking orders from the caller. Eventually he made an order but walked away with nothing. Finally we got our order and hurried to join a line that hadn't moved for 10 minutes.

The train trip. The tax deduction part.  The little kid across from us on his mother's knee was crying. Oh dear. But he finally settled down and we relaxed in our huge seats with lots of space. We went past a lot of swampland.  Lots of road crossings so the horn is always going off. Each seat has 2 powerpoints. There is a lounge car with glass ceilings and chairs that face outside. We are upstairs and there are lots of toilets below.

After eating the world's slowest subs, we made our waay to the cafeteria. This is where languages collided. She asked "what's for dinner?". He didn't understand.  She repeated. He said "I don't understand what you're saying". Finally he pointed to a woman hoping she could figure it out. She made us a dinner reservation for 615pm. We left still not knowing what was for dinner.

We read and listened and napped and waved at the now awake child until 615.

We were seated with two women at dinner. Not much was being said, which is always fine by me. Then as conversation sprouted, I'm glad I don't talk much. They said that they were in horse racing. I was ready to say something witty  and topical, but didn't. Good thing, as later back in our seats I found out that horse racing was actually human resources. 

One of the  women was wearing a Harry Potter tshirt. It turns out she travels with  dvds, books and a Harry Potter blanket, and had been to Harry Potter World several times. 

Dinner was ok but a bit pricey.

I am leaping forward 2 days. I'm on the same train, this time in a sleeper. I've just done something to regret relating to air quality.
Back to the past. We got in a bit late, found a taxi, checked in, collapsed and got ready for Memphis.

Biscuits and gravy

Finally a sleep in as breakfast didn't start until late. Two ladies who 24 hours previous had been excited about the garth brooks world tour concert, were now ecstatic about it going until 2 am. No time limits for concerts here. 

I had the biscuits and gravy, the day after having grits. I just needed to know what they were. fyi the biscuit is like a fluffy scone.

From here we hit the streets for another walking tour. Nothing could be hotter than this, or so I thought. Took some pictures of gravestones just so we can fit in at family get togethers. Are we related to the New Orleans Kleins?

Saw lots of interesting houses. Saw Sandra Bullock's which was worth lots of millions. I'm not sure how she ever made that much.........I won't bore you with my hatred of her acting skills.

Then a walk throught the heat to buy some deli lunches before joining a bus (trolley cars were not operating due to trackwork) to the city before walking to the river trying to find a shop that sold a drink. Got a huge drink at the wharf and demolished it by the time I got on board the paddle steamer. This took half an hour.

Footnote. In the middle. 

People, mainly African American, are here in large groups wearing the same clothes. Each group has its own family reunion t shirt. They are everywhere. The shirts have the family names, dates(they seem to go for 4 days) and locations.

There were 130 red t shirts on the boat, with most having white pants and white or red shoes. Some went overboard, not literally, and had red pants.

More footnote im the middle.    You can't help but listen to conversations going on. The young American college going aged female uses the word " literally" about every 4th word. It's literally giving me the shits.

So on board with a sea of red we went down the Mississippi some and then back. It was nice to not be walking for a change. 

We kept refilling our giant cups with water. So very hot. It's literally sweat as soon as it's literally inside you.

Cruise literally done and dusted and we walked up Royal St. The arty one. I was walking ahead  and hadn't seen Annette for some time. My senses said that something was wrong. I rushed back down the street, opened a door to see her handing over the credit card.

We continued down the street and stopped at a shop specialising in praline and sauces. They had little sampling stations everywhere. Free food is good . I nibbled my way through the shop and came to something called Death Sauce. Why not? I put a drop on a corn chip and ate it. I couldn't stop the tears for 15 minutes and may have lost part of my mouth. Finally something to make the weather seem a bit cooler.

Back by bus and we finally decided to eat at a place we had previously declined. It just didn't look good. The world's tenderest ribs and best hamburger later, we knew we were previously wrong. So good that we decided to buy their t shirts. Only problem is, that no clothes fit us anymore. Feeling very heavy.

So it's our last night here before catching a tax deduction to Memphis. Will try to lose some luggage weight but tearing labels off undies and shirts probably won't help.

Do that voodoo

When given the opportunity to eat chocolate cake for breakfast, one must eat chocolate cake for breakfast. This is the unwritten law for holidays. I am lobbying to make this the written law for all other times but I can't see it being passed, unless Jeremy Krause comes on board.

So yes, I was bad at breakfast. Unfortunately what I thought was a giant donut turned out to be a bagel which I consider to be the most overated food in America. I also had bacon, eggs and grits. I've always wondered about grits. Sort of a porridge like food it turns out.   

We headed out to the increasing furnace and loaded all the loose change I could fit into the ticket machine on the trolley car. One of the coins was invalid. Turns out it was a trolley token, probably from Jeremy's bag of coins from USA last year that I have with me. 

We made our way through the streets and down North Rampart (I'm sure wayne whitely would be amused by the name).

We arrived at Louis Armstrong park which was near where our walking tour was due to start. Of course we didn't know the exact location. Luckily the other people looking lost were doing the same tour, so we managed to find the start of the voodoo tour.

It was a great tour by our voodoo priest. He dispelled the notion of voodoo dolls so I quickly crossed that off the list. Got quite a bit of information about the area that we would never have found out. 

We then proceeded to the Bastille Day fete, watched the "best dressed like a frenchman" dog show and beat the heat by going to the huge outlet store next door. By the time we finished not buying anything we had 3 hours to kill. The sky had turned green and a huge thunderclap sounded. 

We headed to the nearby movie theatre and watched Self/less. There weren't many seats left so we sat apart. Turns out the theatre was a dining theatre. Menus, waiters, call buttons. My row which was at the back and the row in front were ordering the whole time the movie was going. The amount of food and drink untouched was crazy. Not sure why the waiters were ducking down everytime they went past.

Had we sat together I'm sure I would have convinced annette we needed the peanut butter,bacon and chocolate popcorn. Oh and the big leather seats made farting sounds everytime you moved. Some things never lose their humour.

Still we had time on our hands so we wandered for a while until trying to hook ourselves a place on the walking ghost tour. We succeeded and our guide from the morning tour did another great job.  

930 at night was late for dinner and we chose Ihop. Mmmmm. Not mmmmmm but wondering mmmmmmm. Meal was ok  but the Navigator chose a stack of pancakes a mile high to share. Not good for the late hour. 

Back home by trolley car and our tour guide sits down behind us. Annette thanked him and they briefly chatted about Royal St, where all the arty and antique shops are. I told him that he has cost me a lot of money. I'm writing this after visiting the street today, which in the context of the story is tomorrow. Anyway, seems like I now have some voodoo psychic powers.

I forgot

So for the $25 we spent, the seats at Yankee Stadium were pretty good. Third row back with a clear view. 

Then a giant NYPD officer walks down the stairs and plonks himself at the end of the aisle. Right field disappeared. He was there the entire game. His name was Wuss. I was thinking of asking the big wuss to move but thought better of it.

The drought is over

Today we went our separate ways after dropping off Annette's clothes to a laundry. My clothes, smelling of the hotel shampoo, were slowly drying in the hotel room. 

Annette was doing a walking tour of the fabric district. I was not. I was going on my own armed with a map and the knowledge that I at least knew my way back to the hotel......probably.

So i got myself some socks and a really nice pair of running pants. The pants showed as being ladies when they were rung up. Of course you put ladies clothes in the mens section.

Then I eventually found the running store that advertised some shoes at half price. But according to the guy who worked there, the half price shoes were only at their outlet store. Doh.

What to do?  Annette was meeting me sometime either uptown or downtown. I got brave and caught a train to Grand Central. One more sports store for the day. Well I found it, and next door was another branch of the running store. They had the shoes that were only at the outlet store for half price.

Did they fit? Half a size big, but when a skinny Kenyan tells you that these are the shoes for you, and then does pushups while you look at other stuff, it doesn't matter if they fit.

I checked out the other store but just can't shop like I used to.

Across the road to loiter out the front of Maccas for free wifi. The facebook message was alarming. Annette was at the camera/electronics store. Every moment was costing money.

Its true what they say about adrenalin. You can do amazing things when you need to. With the threat of credit card murder going on I somehow worked out the subway system and got there quickly.

Unfortunately I dont travel faster than the speed of spending and a hit of $550 awaited. To be fair, the majority belongs to Jeremy Krause who was making orders via facebook at 3am sydney time.

To join in, I used the birthday money from mum and dad to buy a golf gps, because the other 2 need a sibling.

B and H is the most amazing store. You order at various locations around the store and above, conveyor belts carry people's ordered items to a collection point. Add this to another thing that men could watch all day.

It was now 3pm. Time for a "pay by the pound" lunch.

Annette continued the day with trips to fashion museums and shops while I caught the wrong train past my stop , but eventually made it back with most of the shopping in a huge bag by 5.

I crammed things into bags until Annette got back and it was off to our new favourite irish pub to eat. Our one last thing to do was head a few stations away to take some Manhatten night pics. 

We stepped out the door after the meal to be greeted by pouring rain and lightning. No pics tonight. Just packing. We are under our domestic weight limit but over the international. This last week could be interesting.

Leaving New York

I haven't done the 530 wake up for a week. We finalised packing , checked our bill that had been left under our door, wondered why they had charged us for food we hadn't purchased and headed down for 6am breakfast......which starts at 630.

A week of breakfast training and we only needed 15 minutes to gulp down our food before the taxi to Laguardia for our flight. We left early in case there was traffic. There was no traffic. There was a line a mile long however to get through security.

I was looking forward to my usual weekly patting down. This time they did my hair. Not sure what I could have been hiding in there. 

Our bags weighed in at 48 pounds. That was good news. The bad news is that this is over the international limit. Looks like we are looking at a miracle. I knew that I shouldn't have packed clothes.

Of course we left late and arrived late but once there hit the luggage jackpot with our bags being 1st and 4th off the plane.

Taxi to our guest house and then did what every tourist does on arrival in New Orleans.........walked to Walmart to look for bras. This resulted in a 2 bra, 1 shirt, 2 gym shorts and 4 golf gloves purchase, because they won't cause any weight problems.

Lunch was nice at a small cafe, although having only eaten plane peanuts, pretzels and a vegan biscuit in the last 7 hours, an old leather boot would have been good. Annette had the crayfish melt sandwich . I had proper food, that being dead land animals.

Nap time followed by Annette figuring out what's on the next couple of days

730pm and we headed off to Bourbon Street where Annette once more got her seafood on again. I was promised a hot blackened chicken but it lacked the heat. Lucky that we chose dessert. Mine was bigger than my main meal. 

We caught the cable car/tram/trolley car to and from dinner. Bourbon st could just be the loudest and smelliest street in the world.

The trolley car back at the end of the night was cut short by a few blocks because...............of ..........trackwork. Buses were replacing trolley cars.

Last chance to see the sights

After another record breaking breakfast it was off to see some of the never seen sights. 

The Chelsea High Line in an old freight rail line that has been converted into a garden/walk. Because it has something to do with rail lines, I foresee a small tax deduction. 

From there we trained and walked to catch the Staten Island ferry. We missed it by that much, waited 25 minutes, then waited because of a delay caused by a medical emergency. 

I didn't see much due to the fact that I tried to sleep. Im sure Annette took some pics. We got there, waited 25 minutes and slept for the return journey.

The things you do because they are free.

From there it was more trains to catch the Roosevelt Island cable car. It was here that Annette was accused of being rude by some stupid parent who thought that their child should have access to the world solely for her own use.

It was a good trip made even better by the port a loo found on the other side. From there we turned around and came back.

Today was the 3rd day without shopping. Should I be worried? Yes.

The trouble with blogs

We are seriously running on empty. Getting back to the motel late leaves no time to write blogs so 2 days later I'm writing a blog just before midnight. 

We started with the 9/11 memorial. I'm sort of lost for words. Very sad place and a well done memorial. Was very surprised we were there for four hours.

Lunch at 2pm at the Amish store, once again put New York style food into our potentially and probably expanding bellies. 

Then to the museum of modern art.  From what I can tell, anything can be art. there was a giant poo on one of the gallery floors. Well four actually. I guess I do art every day, except for the early part of this holiday. 

There was a giant painting of scribble. I guess the wall near the kids room of our house is a piece of art. 

Andy Warhols soup collection? What were you on Andy? Not soup I guess.

An Irish Pub for dinner and then it was off to Jersey Boys. Poker Face on.

Walked to the station through Times Square. Unbelievable the amount of people out at late night.

I am assuming we made it back home. My mind is scrambled and body is giving up on me.

The New York Marathon

It took 14 hours. We went uptown, downtown, midtown, subways, upstairs, downstairs, up skyscrapers, up more skyscrapers over and over and over and over again.

To the top of the Empire State, Top of the Rock, through Central Park, lunch at Zabars, an unsuccessful trip to the museum of modern art, and we ate salad for dinner. 

A long hard day and no money was spent shopping. Are we becoming old and wise?

Walking

I have noticed that when we walk, for the first 50 metres, sorry, yards, sorry, not 50 but an unknown amount, that I always take a lead and act as a sort of pacemaker.

Then today, all of a sudden, Annette and her aching feet were going at high speed. 

We were on the way to markets. Flea markets to be precise. Never have quite figured out what the flea relates to.

The temperatures were up for the first time of the holidays but eventually we made it to what seemed like a small market area but in the end we were there a long time.

It was in brooklyn. I mention that as this is where Mr Kotter came back to. I hope you all get that song stuck in your heads like I did. 

As with most markets, there were 2nd hand records where I spent my time. Not sure why I bought a Peter Frampton and a Lovin' Spoonful records and how I will get them home, but thats a problem for a few days time. 

Annette was in her element and budgets will need to be revised.

As it heated up we shopped on and got some interesting Lemonade to get us through. One with maple syrup,(because I haven't been gulping it by the gallon on breakfast pancakes), and one with cucumber.

We have discovered that cucumber in fruit is quite an amazing thing. Further testing will be carried out.

From here we went to a more arty market where the monetary sins of the first market were multiplied. Nothing like loading up with heavy books and glass to make future travel interesting.

Back to the hotel via bus, i hit the gym for an uninspiring session before we headed off for Times square for a meal and a show.

It was absolutely packed. At Nizza, Annette had the clams and I had a flavourless pizza. I thought New York was famous for pizza. Maybe I'm wrong.

From there it was to the theatre. Yes the theatre to see Avenue Q. It's killing Annette to know if I liked it or not, but I must keep my poker face on.

We're pretty much running on empty at the moment. Had the hotel shuttle not have been at the station, then the 15 minute walk may just have killed us.

Happy 4th of July

I'm sitting in the middle of a road near the river where the fireworks are due to go off in about an hour.

If it weren't for the fact that there are about a million police in the area, I may just have strangled the annoying woman next to me. No, not Annette, but the American who just will not shut up.

It seems like a good time to recap.

Breakfast started at 7. Our shuttle was due to leave to the station at 730. Only half an hour to fit in the obligatory 3 courses. Done. Then the shuttle left late so I could have pushed it to 5. 

Thanks to the navigator, we caught 2 trains and made it to battery Wharf in time for multiple security checks on the way to walking up the guts of the statue of liberty. I would definitely recommend.

Then we caught more trains and miraculously lobbed right at Madison Square Garden where we did the tour. Pretty amazing place that was just renovated for 1 billion. The owner paid cash. This place would seriuosly eat every stadium in Australia and crap it out. I dream of going to a concert or sporting event where the seats are padded.

"Whats that you say? Do they have designated beer rooms"? Good question. They do and for an event there are 1040 kegs. So we checked it all out, saw how the other half live, and left pretty pleased. Well except me who drank a medium(which is really extra large) smoothy before the tour and now wished  that I could remember George Costanzas  favourite rest rooms in New York. An hour and a train and long walk later my pain was over. I should have just taken the lead of that guy in Cleveland the other day . I hope I dont get Uromisotosis.

Annette figured out how to find somewhere to watch the fireworks and half an hour later and a stop at Subway for dinner we made our way to the river. Annette just took a selfie of us waiting. I really wish that the small coke I got was really a small coke because with over half an hour to go and no way out in sight, I really need to go again. Doh. I am sitting on the high end of the road. I guess gravity would be my friend. Perhaps a choc chip cookie would take my mind off my troubles.

Apart from the idiots who kept standing in front of Annette's camera, the fireworks were good. Not Sydney good, but good.

The traffic out was a mess with Police on every corner for our 30 minute walk

Amtrak- The tax deduction part of the holiday

As everybody knows, when you need to wake up at 425am, you wake up 3 times before then.

Having packed the night nefore, we went to the lobby to discover that our car drive to the station had been cancelled. A taxi had been arranged although he was sad to discover that we were only going to the train station and not the airport.

NSW Trains employees read here.

Into the station we walked and approached the only employee at the ticketing window to ask about luggage check in. It was before 5am, the train departed at 550am and luggage check in  was no less than 45 minutes before departure. All was ok. He told us to wait as he wasn't ready to do luggage yet.

I listened to the customers talking at the counter.

"Where do I check bags"?

"I forgot to print my ticket, can you print me one"?

"They told me on the phone that there would be plenty of bike boxes"

"$156? I can catch a bus for less than that"

I looked around the waiting area and you could seriously take these customers and drop them in Sydney and they would fit in.

Finally the roller door of the baggage department opened. We were second in line. First in line were missing a bag so forms needed to be filled out. Finally at 515am we presented tickets and bags to be told "it's a bit late" and that "luggage check in is 45 minutes before departure"

This was the same guy who told us to wait before.

We explained that we were here on time and he said "I didn't say you weren't here on time" begrudgingly he checked our bags and then for the next 15 minutes checked in everybody else with no problems, including "3 bike boxes girl".

Bikes cost $15 each.

The train was running late. No announcements. Deja vu.

I checked the luggage trolley and our bags were there. I wonder what destination they are going to?

The train arrived, we walked across the tracks to be met by a conductor who scanned our tickets and moved us to a carriage down the platform. Here an attendant asked if there were 2 people travelling together. He gave us seat numbers and onto the train we climbed. 

I couldn't believe the seats. Big seats that recline. Heaps of leg room and a thing that comes out from below the seat like a reclining seat leg rest, so you can almost lie down. I wonder if there is first class?

Just heard that at Buffalo it is a designated smoke stop if you wish to get off the train.

Pizza for lunch from the buffet car which was a long way away. The long journey was really relaxing. It would have been nice to get some sleep and because I've travelled east through another time zone I'm actually in negative sleep.

The only delay on the way came through an intentional engine change which took around an hour. Still, it was really scheduled as we arrived on time. Unfortunately it took 45 minutes for our luggage, but at least it made it too.

15 minute taxi ride/rollercoaster/dodgem car to the hotel where we quickly found an Irish Pub nearby and actually ate food with vegetables.

Finally got a relatively early night before Annette starts to put her NY master plan together

Drive Time

Everything had been planned to perfection. What we didn't take into account was the buffet breakfast. Any time you get the opportunity to make your own waffles, you jump at it. Of course after so much eating, jumping is becoming more and more difficult. So we ate too much, grabbed some breakfast bagels for lunch and began our short walk to pick up our hire car.

Of course the address we had was wrong as they had moved. One minute turned to fifteen and eventually after the people in front of us failed the credit check, we were on our way.

We had a black Kia and passenger Annette immediately tried to get in the drivers seat. The first left turn was the same as every other trip to the states as I turned on the windscreen wipers to indicate.

The City area of Cleveland is like driving through a big country town, with the addition of some tall buildings. Once out of the city it was interstate s77 pretty much all the way.

We got to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton a bit later than expected but there was hardly anybody there so getting through it all was pretty quick (around 4 1/2 hours) or 4 1/2 light years for those none football fans among us.

I'm sure that the many museums of New York will exact their revenge on me.  

I still can't believe what we purchased in the gift shop, but all will be revealed at Christmas.

On the drive there, the eagle-eyed navigator spotted Target and Walmart stores that were quickly added to the itinerary. All in the quest of the much sought American bra that had yet to make its way to Australia.

One bra and way too many t shirts later we had around 40 minutes to get the car back. It was a 13 minute trip had we not missed the left turnoff. Some minutes later I perfected the left hand drive u turn and got my first horn blow from another driver. 

Lucky for us that we got back on track but still had to get petrol, sorry, gas before dropping off the car. A simple task made difficult by the need to prepay at the pump and the fact that an overseas credit card requiring a zip code, put a hold on everything. 

Finally the attemdant sorted everything out and with minutes to spare and after a dodgy reverse park, we dropped off the keys.

Had I exercised the option of a rest room visit some 3 hours earlier, we may have been late and I'm not sure what we could have done since we are leaving at 430 tomorrow morning.

No problems though, apart from the fact that it was a 15 minute walk to the nearest toilet** carrying way too much shopping. That 9.6 kg has ballooned.

So back at the hotel Annette studied somewhere to eat while I took my guilty body to the gym to work off the bagel with butter and jam I ate for lunch.

Both craving vegetables, I had an Asian rice and chicken dish with veggies. Annette basically had fish and chips. Has she forgotten that there are more than 1 veggies in the world.

Back to the hotel for packing and somehow getting our bags closed. Gees, we still have 2 weeks to go.

**according to the guy relieving himself in the street we were walking down on the way to dinner, the nearest toilet is where ever you want it to be.

He did apologise twice as he curbed the flow and zipped up.

Off to meet LeBron

After somehow fitting the new purchases in our bags, we had our last coffee mug full of cereal and frozen milk and left the hotel. At least the walk to the airport train with rapidly expanding bags must have helped with our rapidly expanding waistline. We caught 2 trains to the airport after getting kicked off one halfway through the journey for reasons unknown. Cityrail is alive and well in Chicago.

We grabbed some lunch for later, half stripped to get through security and headed for the short flight to Cleveland. 

Our baggage turned up quickly but Annette's bag looked like it got into a fight and lost. The lock was gone, the zippers were half open and everything inside had been turned upside down.

We taxi'd to our hotel to save time, checked in and headed to the Rock n Roll hall of Fame. In the end we spent around 7 hours there. With half an hour to go we realised that Cleveland is in a different time zone, so we had to hurry through the last of the exhibitions that we had missed. It's an amazing place and the fact that I spent so long in a museum without slashing my wrists says something about this place. And what luck. The gift shop closed half an hour later so that I could further help the U.S economy.

In search of Hard Rock Cleveland we did our daily long distance walk and ate our first meal for 10 hours at 1020pm. It was somewhat underwhelming and we vowed, again, never to eat at a Hard Rock cafe again. 

Lights off after midnight for a short sleep (I'm writing this at 530am) before the stress of picking up a hire car for the day.

Ferris Bueller you're my hero

There were a few things left to do. 

We went to the viewing area of a really tall building. Editor, please insert name of building here (360 Chicago orJohn Hancock Observatory). We are pretty sure when Ferris Bueller had his day off, he went to this viewing area.

Then it was to Portillo's for hot dogs and monster thick shakes. Mmmmm calories.

Annette decided to ask the woman taking the order the difference between 2 of the hot dogs. I feared a Soup Nazi moment but we ended up getting cheese on her hot dog for free. At last we are making financial inroads. The hot dogs were great and different. Not just your slice of pickle but one that extended the length of the bun.

More shopping, a quick powernap and a train and long, long walk to the planetarium where I may or may not have spent $28.50 to sleep through the movie.

Totally spent, both physically and financially, we made the long walk back to the hotel, stopping only to buy dinner. Rather than a restaurant we picked a self serve Whole Foods shop where food is bought by the pound. I divided the cost by 2 and gave thanks for the couple of miles I churned out on the treadmill in the morning.

But wait, there's more. On the way to buying dinner we came upon a Ghiradeli chocolate store where free samples were being distributed. DNA made us enter and in her best American accent Annette declared "I shall return". That's when we got into the discussion about whether a thick shake for lunch constituted a "one and only dessert for the day". It was like being in school doing a debate where one side was always going to win. Her argument was that a thick shake for lunch with a hot dog is a drink. Whatever my argument was, I lost. 

Annette chose the butterscotch sundae. They were out. She chose  the sundae with the piece of chocolate brownie. They were out. "Oh no, there could be carnage" I thought. Luckily her third choice was ok and we sat down to late night evil. Of course she could not finish hers so I ended up paying for her greed. I may need to start looking for bigger pants.

Chicago is great and I'm looking forward to spending my money, if there is any left, on golf clubs that I don't need when I'm back for my final day.

What could be better than a bottle of The Real Thing?

Maybe U2 singing The Real Thing in concert at the United Centre, but more on that later.

I finally made my way down to the gym in order to work off some of the weight I have definitely put on. 

Cereal in a coffee mug with frozen milk for breakfast was followed by a walk along the river.

We then made it to the Magnificent Mile, a stretch known for its shopping. We tried hard but didn't buy too much. 

Macys was a bit of a bore but we had lunch there. I really needed some fries. They are so hard to come by. 

We lobbed to the tower to have a look at the city but the clouds had come in. Something we will do tomorrow.

Then I did it again. In my quest for golf clubs, I took the map and headed off by myself. Meanwhile Annette quickly discovered an antique store that was having a closing down sale.

Had I been there it would not have mattered. I eagerly await to see what the exchange rate gods do with the large purchase. 

All this while I was planning my last day purchases when I'm back here

for a day at the end of the holiday.

 

And so it was off to catch the train to U2. We hadn't eaten anything yet but figured there would be an abundance of choices near the United Centre. Wrong. It's in the middle of the suburbs.

So stadium food it was. If you think Sydney stadium prices are high, you should check these. The only difference being that the size of my 4 chicken strips could just have been the whole chook battered and crumbed. Not sure how I fitted in the tray of chips. Perhaps my stomach is stretching. Annette had the pulled pork sandwich and chips and failed to finish the chips. 

To the concert due to begin at 730. Apparently that means 730 for an 830 start. 

Not sure how to describe the concert but they redeemed themselves after Bono lost his voice 30 years ago when we saw them.

What a great show it was. It's up there with Springsteen, Joel, Dire Straits and Cougar/mellencamp/cougar mellancamp. It even rose above the heights of Jeff St John in front of 3 people at Cronulla Workers.

Bootleg copies will soon be available to fund the spending of Annette.

Punishment for our sins

Annette had it all worked out. We had to have breakfast at Yolk. It must be good if there are 50 people in line waiting for their name to be called. Finally "Annette" was announced and away we went.

I was good. Half a pineapple, greek yoghurt, strawberries and granola with an oversized muffin/cake.

Annette was bad. French toast, maple syrup, bacon. She would pay for this.

We dropped in on a grocery store for a packet of cereal and milk for the next few days. Then we were off. 

On a great day weather wise we walked around 15km. Went to soldier field, the planetarium , by the Lake and then headed off to a golf shop. 

This is where i was punished. It was surrounded by material shops . I bought nothing but a shirt. Annette went mildly crazy as her baggage allowance decreased. We even dropped in at Target to have a great conversation with a big breasted employee on the virtue of underwire in bras. 

Leg weary, we then headed off to Ginos for an authentic Chicago deep dish pizza and a bowl of chilli. Its a good thing we forfeited lunch, apart from a late Dunkin Donuts exploration. The wait to get in Ginos was 50 minutes. A good sign in the end.

Once again the gym was closed when we got back. Those large shirts that I'm buying may soon be xl.

318 is the new 618

Maybe I got a few minutes of sleep in the flight but I doubt it. Annette got some because she was trapped between 2 friends who didn't want to sit next to each other, so she had nowhere to go.

We arrived on time at around 130pm, made our way smoothly through customs and made the long walk to our train into the city. Checked in around 4pm. Thats when being awake for 24 hours hit me. I tried hard to stay awake but kept drifting off. 

Eventually we got ready to eat realising it was over 12 hours since real food. Finally after much walking and menu checking we decided that P F Changs was the choice. Of course Chinese was the natural choice after Hong Kong. 

Back to the room I flicked between sport channels. We washed our clothes and drifted off for a good sleep.....that lasted 3 hours.

We successfully managed to get back to sleep over and over again. We should be out of here by 9. Breakfast? I'm sure there is a giant donut out there with my name on it.

Those 3 Words........as long as I'm counts as 1

And "Please turn off the light" I think as I struggle to get to sleep. Finally I give up trying and open my eyes. The floor below is littered with chip and toblerone wrappers. For good measure there is also an apple core.

Slowly I turn to my left. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. My God, how did I get here?

Lets cue the "going back to the past" music from a few days ago. Its a little different as I've added a few "do do da wad do do's" to make it a bit more contemporary.

So after finally getting to sleep despite the sound of jackhammers some 17 floors below, i woke up this morning at precicely 618. That is my going to work wake up time. My "let's get up for work" side of the brain is winning the fight against "it's holidays" side of the brain. 

So we slowly got ready and headed down to get some breakfast before leaving for the airport. Once we had finished our smoothy we bid farewell to Butterfly on Hollywood and began the short walk to our airport shuttle departure. The street looked almost new. Jackhammer Guy had done well.

Got to the train station to check our bags  through to Chicago (you can't do that from Sydney Central) only to find that we couldn't do it here either. Something about "your seats have not been allocated". Now that's the moment that a small cartoon light bulb should have turned on over our heads. 

We tried to do a check in at the self check in terminal. Nothing and still no light bulb. 

We hopped onto the world's most luxurious airport train.....Tax Deduction...realising that those responsible for the Cityrail equivalent did very little research before going ahead.  

24 minutes later we arrived and given the choice of terminal 1 or 2, chose poorly. Still, the 5 minutes of extra walking would do us good. We found our line and Counter C25 called us up.

After about a minute she uttered those words that nobody facing a 14 hour flight wants to hear. 

"I'm so sorry but your flight is full"

Now you all know the annoying I Bought a Jeep ad in the Chinese restaurant where woman 2 reads her fortune and everything goes quiet? Well everything went quiet.

Annette went through the whole Seinfeld Rental Car episode about The reservation, whilst I stood safely some 30 metres away. The airline lady instructed us to come back at 11. 

We went to eat our banana and walnut muffins to contemplate the possibility of a midnight flight to New York connecting to Miami connecting to Chicago. The holiday would be over by the time we arrived.

So anyway, no, this is not my beautiful wife. It's a woman from Adelaide next to her husband with me in exit row 59k.

The last I saw of Annette in my quest for snack food, her head was wobbling as she tries to sleep in centre seat 72e.

Oh, yes, I did get another patting down by customs. They always ask if I mind but as I'm not really in the mood for a strip search, I really have to agree. 

Oh, I had the chicken.

So by my calculations, we are over 7 hours into our flight. It's dinner time in Hong Kong but breakfast time in Chicago. All attempts to adjust my body clock by sleeping from midnight to 6am Chicago have failed. My only concerns now are whether to watch episode 5 and 6 of Breaking Bad, eat more Toblerone or have a packet of chips. 

Why not all three? I say.

48 Hours

As I sit on the 6X bus to.....sigh.... Stanley Markets I can quickly run through the time leading into our 1110am departure.

48 hours? That's how long it's been since the toilets at Sydney Airport. Here we go again, you're thinking, but you have to expect it.

Anyway, I'm backed up as Kramer would say and i'm heading to a place where I have had previous issues. On my first visit to the markets many years ago, I needed to "go" really badly, walked into the toilets, immediately walked out, and held it in for hours. 

So you see, every minute I don't go is another minute closer to when I have to go, and the possibility it happens at My nemesis, the Stanley Markets toilets, gets more real. I am prepared with toilet roll, should nature scream.

So we finally headed off to breakfast at Maccas where I found the shocking truth, that Annette had never eaten a sausage patty there. And you think you know  some people. 

Then it was off to the nearest citibank atm to learn that my debit card wasn't working. With the need for money quite important I tried contacting citibank Australia. No good. This could be an interesting holiday. Fortunately I had some US Dollars that we could change.

The shopper in Annette said "well now we have to spend it at the markets". Sigh 

The bus trip is one of the best and by midday we made it. After shopping, a quick lunch(3 hours later) we concluded that the markets just did not seem as big as they used to be. We made sure we had everything. Shirts? Check. Presents?  Check. Coconut? Check and don't ask. 

It's so hot. Still no need for toilet paper. We headed back to Central where Annette stated that she wanted to go to Maccas to get an ice cream. This is our favourite Maccas in the World. Of course she didn't realise that it was on the other island. No problem. We caught a ferry to buy ice cream. Mission accomplished, we headed back to Central, checked out some shops, ate some Vietnamese and walked back to the hotel.

And finally as we pressed 17 on Hong Kongs slowest lift, it was time to go.  

Annette has collapsed on the bed. We still need to pack, are almost out of local money, but luckily, the citibank card is working (if you call that lucky)

My Rookie Mistake

Where were we? We finally got underway only 6 1/2 hours late. Captain Aussie Accent had been replaced by Captain British Accent. No problems as they both fly on the same side of the sky. Two meals, several tv shows, a movie and no sleep (at least by me) later we arrived just after midnight. It took so long to get here that I feel like I have aged a year.

An hour and $300 later we arrived at our hotel and made it to sleep by 2am. I think I had been awake for 22 hours.

Day 2 began 5 hours after day 1 ended, with no real plans. First stop, a possibly healthy smoothie across the road followed by a walk through the humidity.

A quick ferry ride across the harbour got us to what I refer to as the other side if the harbour. In the past we have always stayed on the other side to where we are staying now. All I can remember from the past is the Maccas near the jetty. It's on the other side. I'm sort of out of it at the moment. Sorry.

So anyway, to my rookie mistake. You've all seen those child restraints to stop kids running away. Demeaning perhaps, but useful. So as we wander through the streets with our complimentary smart phone equipped with gps, I advised Annette that I would go into the Adidas store. We agree to meet in the Giordano store across the road. I arrived at the meeting point 10 minutes later. No Annette. I waited. No Annette. I contemplated my chances of finding my way back to the hotel by myself. Still no Annette. Maybe she had gone back to Adidas. I took 10 steps and by chance looked to my left.

There she sat in the electronics/ camera store. I rushed in "stop everything" I yelled in my head. But alas, things had progressed too far. Using the old "you're my first customer and you bring me luck" tactic, a deal was made. The credit card drew a heavy sigh and new camera parts were acquired. 

I did learn how to put a screen protector on a phone without getting bubbles. The secret is dabbing with sticky tape to remove dust, so all was not lost.

We continued but after knocking back over 100 requests to buy a watch or get a suit made we headed back on the ferry to have lunch.

It keeps pouring with rain, but it's so humid that the rain is actually drier than the humidity. 

Yum Cha for lunch in the restaurant we took the kids to and rather unsuccessfully attempted to get them to eat many years ago. 4 savory and 3 desserts was about normal with the last minute custard tarts saving the day. Annette + yum cha - custard tarts = not good. 

So very sleepy. Resting and writing but realising that soon we are heading to the, gulp, night markets. 

Now where is that child restraint?

A couple of trains later we hit the night markets just as the heavens opened. That didn't slow down our market expert though, but this was really just a warm up for tomorrow, when we make our way to Stanley Markets where I desperately need to find clothes to make up for the fact that I may just have packed a little lightly.

Dinner was a flashback to years gone by at the spaghetti House. we were then forced to buy a chocolate walnut fudge in order to break a 50 as we needed smaller notes to buy our train tickets. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices.

A Faulty Johnson Rod

Free lunch. Woo hoo.

So here i sit at 158pm near gate 37 at Sydney Airport waiting to board my flight that is due to leave at 4pm, but was originally due to leave at 1005am before it was changed to 1120am. But first we need to go back back back (cue going back in time music) to the start of the day.

Woke early only to receive a message from Cathay Pacific that our flight would be delayed a bit over one hour. Excellent. I wouldn't have to wake up our grumpy ride to the station early. But we did anyway. It did give me the chance to walk to the shops in order to buy a loaf of bread for soon to be chefless son. We are away 26 days, so yeah, a loaf should see him through.

Then my mind set to breakfast. What's the best food for travelling in a crowded cylinrical and air conditioned container? Mmmmm why not finish that can of baked beans?

To the airport we went. At the speed of Cityrail we travelled. Checked in our bags in no time at all, having to pause briefly for photos as I won an award for "lowest weight of luggage" for the category of 26 days or more away. 9.6kg. A new record!

Then we joined the longest queue ever, until we joined our next queue, which broke the record of the last queue.

Once again they chose my chiselled specimen for the full body scan. As the only passenger in the airport wearing shorts and a t shirt it was just natural that I was trying to hide something. The scan indicated that I needed to be "patted down" unless I wanted the alternative. Visions of that Blink 182 album cover shot through my mind, so patting down it was. Cue Seinfeld reference 2, the title being number 1. After a light patting down of my thighs, it didn't move. Apparently it was just my suspicious hanky.

Annette proceeded to claim back $57 of gst for spending a fortune which may come in handy if it reaches our credit card before the end of the trip. 

To gate 37 we went where we were just in time to wait, until we boarded the plane where we waited until our Captain, and I cant remember his name, advised us that a light was flashing on his dashboard. Immediately, the international traveller in me suspected Johnson Rod. " this could take a while" i thought. Then halfway through Family Guy we were told to get off the flight. Then we got our $20 hush voucher. What 2 people could spend $40 in lunch? One hamburger, one steak sandwich and a pepsi max later, lunch cost an additional$1.50.

Thats when everything that has happened so far proved to work out.

You see, had we been mid air at the time of the completion of the hamburger, just at the time the baked beans kicked in, then the proximity of the toilet on the plane in relation to our seats may well have caused a problem.

That's it so far. Still waiting to leave and listening to the staff talk about overtime.