Splitting the atom

I have a theory. A male and female shopper together pose little risk for foolish purchases. At any given time, one would always act as the voice of reason. This is the opposite to 2 female shoppers together when reason has no reason to be alive. Just as splitting the atom can cause huge damage, so too does splitting the male and female shoppers. Six enormous custard filled donut balls? I'll buy them. And so as I sat on the same bus as yesterday, reason was left on the curb. "it would be irresponsible not to buy a new set of golf clubs. They are a bargain. Do I need them? Of course I do. Money spent on holidays doesn't count". And so I got the golf clubs. With the difference in time from Australia I should probably wake up at 4 something on Thursday and hit the course. Later in the day a few smaller purchases were made as for the last time for a long time i saw my ever bulging stomach in a change room mirror. Lunch was ordinary at Jimmy Buffets, we just couldn't get into dinner at Tony Roma's and right now the typist is asleep on the bed - again. See you all back in Australia probably on the golf course.

More shopping

20 people squeezed into an early morning ride to the premium shopping factory outlet trip. How long would we need there? 6 hours we guessed. It ended up 7. Apart from the Levis, Adidas and some shoe store, we didn't buy much (until we crossed the road to where the normal people shop). The Sports Authority had lots of golf clubs. Cheap as chips. I checked with my co-shopper who played games with my conscience. She left me there. Do I need another set of golf clubs? I really should keep up with modern trends. Yet I didn't buy them. Instead I settled for a 3 wood to complete the new driver that I didn't need, which was presently sitting in the golf bag I didn't need. From there it was over to KMart where the bras were even cheaper than Walmart. We could now possibly build the world's biggest slingshot that could bring down a small army. It was quite fortunate that it rained all day. The next feat was 20 people with big shopping bags fitting in the same small bus. We made it back, got started with packing and trying to do something with the 50 plastic coat hangers we have. Dinner was back to the California Pizza Kitchen which is always a risk after having an excellent meal previously. It was good but didn't repeat the heights of before.

Saturday - relaxing day

We both hit the gym and worked out on the treadmill, though we have been walking so much we probably don't need it. I would have brought my pedometer but they don't use the metric system here so results would have been inaccurate. What do you do on a Saturday in Hawaii? go to Walmart and go to see Tron 3D at the movies. That all left us running a bit late to get back for our luau pickup. When our bus didn't show we hopped on the shopping trolley bus, didn't have to pay, which leaves us with more money to waste at the factory outlets. Pigged out at the all you can eat luau. "I'm back baby". I guess you have to go to one when here and the guy juggling flaming sticks was good but all just a bit touristy for me. I did have a Pina Colada and now I can't stop singing the Pina Colada Song. The bad news is that I know all of the words. I guess that's a $2 fine.

My memory card is full

I've almost finished today and am having trouble totally recalling what happened yesterday. A trip to Mars perhaps? No, up too early to go to the gym so we headed straight to our pickup spot a one hour drive through mountains to Kailua where we put on swimwear, sunblock and life jackets and picked up our kayak and paddles and hit the water. Slowly but surely we worked as a team as we paddled our way some distance to an island, walked around it then paddled back. We had hoped to see turtles but somebody had told them to pull their heads in and I guess they did. A very enjoyable lunch was followed by a swim at the beach. Thats right after three trips to Hawaii we finally touched salt water.
Back to the hotel where we finally got Skype to the kids to work, after our mandatory trip to Cheeseburger in Paradise. I can't stop singing two tickets to paradise by Eddie Rabbit or Eddie Money. Luckily the only words I know are "2 tickets to paradise". Unluckily I can't stop singing it. The burgers were good and we got the prime window seats where everyone in the street can see the barbecue sauce run down your face. Back in front of tv and an episode of Psych comes on at 11pm. Of course we had to watch it. Lucky for us it's not an early start tomorrow.

What's wrong with me?

In preparation for all you can eat pancakes, I was going to wake up early, hit the gym so that I could burn off the calories before I eat them. Well I slept too long. So we got the pancakes. Three big pancakes. Off we go. I finished mine and my mango smoothie. There was a time when members of my family sat down and worked out the formula to how you should eat when challenged with all you can eat. It was the total space of an empty stomach + a salad that you eat to make you feel better + the contents of two unwanted desserts, always Including hundreds and thousands, + four mini bread rolls that you never really wanted. How this relates to pancakes I don't know, but I hung my head in shame when I couldn't even get a second plateful. Annette didn't even finish her first plate. We may get kicked out of the family.
We then did some washing (something I bet the kids haven't done). That's when I hit the gym. Not easy on the treadmill trying to burn off just the maple syrup alone. That done we actually did something touristy and headed off to Iolani Palace. Tour done it was off to more shops, our regular 5pm lunch, followed by shops, a bus and finally dinner. The good news is that I'm back. The California Pizza Kitchen got me in form. If you're ever here, try the tostada pizza. Lettuce on a pizza? No way. But in a great Top Chef moment, it worked. We went for a walk after dinner and found that there is a beach nearby. Who would have known?

3 days in1

Forgive me for not writing but I must have been busy. I got my first good night's sleep last night so maybe I can remember what's been going on.
3 days ago. Hopped in the Dodge and headed to places I can't remember. I do remember Hanapepe. We drove to a place known as Kauai's Grand Canyon. The sun was shining, the roads were winding but it was all worthwhile. Up to a lookout, back down, over and over again. Our own personal gym session in nature. We even found and drove past a statue of Captain Cook, who of course you all realise was immortalized for his building of a bridge near Botany Bay. We looked for the statue of Tom Ugly but it was nowhere to be seen.
Today we get to fill up our car with petrol - always an experience in the USA. After yet another day with limited food between breakfast and "it's night I'm hungry", we went for Panda Express takeaway. We hit the pool in the arvo for one last time, packed our bulging bags and got ready to spend another sleepless night. (i can't speak for everyone)
Yesterday 6am. It's early. Into the car, to the airport to get our full body scan done. I wished the airport security hadn't laughed when I went through. Then we waited for 90 minutes before our 30 minute flight to Oahu, followed by a 90 minute 9 mile shuttle bus ride. It's way too early to check in so we dumped our bags and headed to the Ala Moana shopping centre. As huge as it was, we got lunch for $4 and spent $5 on a tshirt. Have we lost our shopping abilities? We finally bussed our way back to Waikiki where we checked in and headed out to our very old favourite, Tony Roma's. Onion loaf and ribs just as good as they were in 1991. Thank heavens my body clock is finally adjusted. I slept all night. Maybe it's the fact there is only one sport channel. We'll never know.
Today. We headed to the flea market at the football stadium. I had on my GPS watch - in the first hour we walked 400 metres. There are a lot of stalls. We walked forever, from 9:30am to 1pm and still we didn't buy much. Our reputation may be in tatters. I don't know what to do. When we finally got back to the Beachcomber we immediately left to find a fabric shop (not me) and a golf shop (me). Did i buy a new driver? Of course but I had to. Why not get a golf bag as well? After all there are probably only 7 or 8 unused bags in the garage. This is what I'm talking about. Shopping should be a reflex action with no thought process. I started the day in the gym which is two steps away from our room. Of course with the display showing miles on my speed and distance on the treadmill, I was depressed because my numbers didn't seemthat good. So between breakfast at 8 and dinner at 8:30pm I had a small wrap at Maccas. I have to start eating lunch. We ate at Denny's who do breakfast as well - $2 all you can eat pancakes. I think I will start tomorrow at the gym.

Us 1 - brown undies 0

The 1 hour helicopter flight around Kauai (it rhymes with Hawaii) was great. We also did the cruise up the Wailua river. Lunch at Taco Bell again and I ate half a cow for dinner. Not much else going on. Just remembered- don't know if I ever mentioned Annette getting into the wrong car at Huskisson years ago. She tried the same trick a few days ago - silly me told her.

Be still my beating heart

In fact my heart would have stopped if I ate all of the ice creams I just saw. Cake batter ice cream. I've found a new home. Anyway, prior to ice cream we headed north under sort of sunny skies. We saw a lighthouse, markets, mountains, markets, shops, markets and whales (not my reflection in the Walmart mirrors). We even tried the pool, spa and gym. Remember the restaurant we couldn't find? We found it. It literally had people hanging out the doors. The curse is still alive. After being extremely hesitant, Annette decided that a helicopter ride around the island would be fun. That should give us enough time to buy some brown undies.
I walked to the window of the golf shop today and peered at the Callaway Big Bertha Diablo driver - "It will be mine, oh yes it will be mine" - not much more to tell. I settled for a normal size rocky road ice cream - maybe tomorrow it will be the cake batter.

Rain man

Top songs off the top of my head with the word RAIN. No 1 will always be Rain by Status Quo, Rain on the Scarecrow, Rain by Dragon. Why the fascination? It's always raining. And not just little rain but big rain.
We headed off to a far away "historic town" that could only mean one thing - "arts and crafts", my two worst nightmares together. Another was yesterday when I saw the sign that will always haunt me - "discount fabric sale". Luckily I got some revenge when I stopped at the golf shop today.
We drove to Hanapepe - it amused my little mind. We did find a good second hand book store - 5 books and 6 CDs later, plus more shops and lunch and then to Koloa and a poor man's version of a blowhole, through a tunnel of trees, through more torrential rain and off to Walmart. We spent nearly $100 alone on bras. Tomorrow we will go back and get some for Annette. All of a sudden we are bordering on excess luggage - will there be room for a new golf driver? I think we all know the answer to that. I just discovered the air conditioning controls.

The day after

The hotel rang to wake us up - they had a welcome gift for us when we go to reception. I would have preferred the gift of sleep. THEN our luggage arrived. Annette's bag had been checked by customs who decided to rip off the lock that they had the master key to rather than using their key. To the car we went and hit the local waterfalls. With the rain looking imminent we headed for the shops and found some wonderful clothes to give the kids for Christmas. Oh how their little eyes will moisten when the iPod they thought they were getting turns out to be a nice new pair of slacks. Lunch was a quick sub - Annette got the regular drink, I got the large. That was about 6 hours ago and I'm still drinking it. As a regular traveller to the States, I do wonder why my first soft drink is always a cherry pepsi. It tastes like fizzy benadryl but I keep drinking it. Come to think of it, that nagging cough has gone.
We did all the stores - Macys, Sears and the BIG KMart. And it was big. It had it's own pizza place. I must have tried on 100 pairs of jeans. I was in and out of my pants all day - it was like a Russ Meyer movie (it took this long to get a Seinfeld reference in). And so we arrived home when the radio show was interrupted by an extreme weather warning. That's when it hit - wind, lightning and torrential rain, followed by blackouts. Still we had to eat. You have undoubtedly heard of the legend of She who shuts down restaurants. So we head off in the car through monsoonal rain for a half hour drive on dark windy roads. We finally got to the restaurant and it's not there. The first day. What are the odds? Very good. We turned around drove most of the way back to eat Mexican. You can't beat a good mole - oh it's pronounced molay. So here I am in the hotel room. The power is back, Annette is snoring and it's time to explore the 120 plus tv stations. Oh and should I feel insulted when Annette says she forgot to bring air freshener? I've smelled worse.

The day of the flight - again

After a wonderful two hours sleep it was up at 3.30am, in the taxi at 4am and into another long line of weary travellers for our 6.30am, soon to be 7am departure. How would my body react to a zooper dooper at 3.30am for breakfast? What would they feed us? Well, scrambled eggs , sausage and beans with juice was ok. Annette tried the French toast. Mmm, bread dripping in fat. Our captain announced that our arrival should be 8.30 pm instead of 7.30 pm. We should get our connecting flight. I'm proud to announce a toilet-free flight. I really did appreciate the ice cream they gave us for lunch. Dinner was a sandwich.
The highlight of the flight was when reading the autobiography of Stuart Copeland (the Police drummer) he mentioned something about the Moody blues. At that moment a Moody blues song started playing on my mp3 player. What are the odds? Well it's 3 in 14, 252 x 1 in 300.
So we got off at Honolulu. True to the amazing race, we had seats near the front of the plane so we reached customs quickly. We then made our way to our domestic flight, checked in our bags and made it with seconds to spare. A quick flight to Kauai which finished with a scream by my travelling companion on our bumpy landing. I couldn't believe it, after all the disasters I couldn't believe it. Pick up our car, drive to the hotel, what could go wrong? THEY FORGOT OUR LUGGAGE! It might turn up tomorrow. 11 pm and we got in the car, took our first try on the wrong side of the road, checked in, found McDonalds, bought breakfast cereal and teeth cleaning supplies as ours are somewhere in our luggage.

Hawaii 2010

The first day of holidays at last. I quickly turned off my body clock and slept right through the 618am wake up call that my brain comes up with every morning. Still, somewhere in my head I knew that I had to get out of bed and off to the swimming pool to claim my favourite lane before the school kids arrived.

Laps done and it was into the gym. I had caluclated that an 800 calorie session followed by just the right amount of food during the day would get me to the exact weight that I had been aiming at for the last 3 months. It was a good session. I am hopefully in shape for all the nature/shopping/markets walks that I am sure will be happening over the next 2 weeks.

When the plane took off at 920pm it would only be a short time until the meal followed by as many complimentary drinks that I could fit in. Everything had been planned to perfections.

Bags were slowly packed, everything checked and then into the car to catch the 541 train. Off at the International airport and to the gates with my free pass. I have been here before. I had taken a photo copy of the pass to save myself 10 minutes. After all, I don't want to be late to check in.

To the line, and its a long one that does not seem to be moving at a very quick pace. THEN. The rumour. The 920pm will not be leaving until 6am. What? We slowly move. No luggage is being checked through.

So here I sit at my own computer at 948pm. My plane meal should have been served in about 10 minutes. I am not feeling too well. The shock led me to pizza hut to drown my sorrows in a super supreme. All of the calorie watching is down the drain.

We have to be at the airport at 5am tomorrow. Yikes. Now I have to try and reset my body clock again. The airline have been so kind as to pay for a return taxi.

On a positive note, the shirt I was wearing turned out to be one of those ones that just seems to make its own B O smell. 19 hours in this shirt might have been a worry. This has given me the opportunity to re evaluate the shirt for the plane choice. Of course it has totally thrown my underpants situation out the window. On a floor somewhere I hope to find another clean pair. Why do they call it a pair of underpants? It makes no sense.

So valued reader, I have at least been given the opportuntiy to type up one day of my holiday. The rest will be done one letter at a time on an Ipod touch. Day 1, or is that 2?, because I don't know what today counts as, might take the rest of the holidays. For those at work eagerly awaiting my postcard, be patient as it will now be a day later.

Damn, I was looking forward to dinner and breakfast flight food and now it will be breakfast and lunch. Do I eat breakfast at 330am before the flight? I just dont know.

Well thats it for now. Look forward to getting up tomorrow morning